I’ve been watching my partner play through ‘Tormented Souls’, it’s a horror game inspired by the likes of Silent Hill and Resident Evil. Horror is a genre we both care for deeply. I love to get the chance to play a new horror game, however, it’s quite a different story for my partner.
Horror games are something they can find difficult to interact with as they enjoy watching others play and the way they’ve talked about it with me is that it can be very daunting when the controller is in their hands. I’m the exact same when it comes to something akin to a rhythm game, I will watch you play for hours but if that controller goes into my hands, they will start to sweat out of fear.
Watching them play a game knowing that they’ve had a difficult time playing them in the past, starting it at night and playing it and then continuing to play until the beat was amazing to see. In my head I never cared if ‘Tormented Souls’ was a good game or not (it was if you were curious), at least when we got more into it. The best part was that my partner managed to play the entire game on their own, the only time I took the controller was if the game crashed and re-did everything they just did so they could eat party rings.
It felt like a step forward and it was a step forward, because of it we both want to go through the ‘Resident Evil’ games together, but I won’t be the one (1) playing. Also because I’ve played enough of them. I got to witness someone I care about deeply take a step forward, something that was daunting for them has become something that seems more manageable. It’s gotten me thinking about how important it is to experience forms of media together because it’s something I’ve subconsciously been pushing myself to do more in recent years. It’s when lots of people were writing about how in Lockdown they’ve found the importance in coming together in ways they might not have before, I think I also wrote something like that?
In 2020 my friends and I played through ‘Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors’ together, all of it. Every single route and ending. Looking at it on my Steam library I have 21.4 hours (played a little bit of ‘Nonary Game: Ambidex Edition’ but due to it being so soon after ‘999’ we stopped and didn’t play since.) I loved that, mainly because I don’t think I have ever streamed a game to anyone from start to finish, especially for so long. I still think back to it today (clearly if I’m writing about it) because it was unlike anything in terms of how we interacted with a game and just that every single one (1) of us got heavily into it. It’s been an experience that showed me that games can be the best experience with those that I care about, since then the discord server we’re in has become much more keen on the concept of just playing games for each other. A way to share our love for the games we love and because of it we’ve been able to bond with each other more and just have a great time. Which was especially important when I couldn’t see my partner or friends, either due to lockdown or for the fact others live in America.
Ever since then however, I have struggled with trying to recapture that feeling of going through ‘999’ together and it hasn’t been until I saw my partner play through ‘Tormented Souls’ that it doesn’t matter about recapturing that exact feeling. It’s like when companies use nostalgia to get a product sold, sure it’s nice to remember those times. But that’s the thing, it was a moment in time, a time that doesn’t exist anymore. It’s why the concept of a ‘Silent Hill 2’ remake can be odd because if it’s a remake that just wants to make the game look “modern” it’s going to have a difficult time, because ‘Silent Hill 2’ was a moment in time that can’t be recaptured.
That time when we played ‘999’ together doesn’t exist anymore and I don’t say that in a negative way. Because as we’re all aware 2020 was very difficult and ever since then (and well before then) it has been incredibly difficult. What I haven’t been aware of until now is that I’ve had that experience just in a different way and context. Because we’ve all streamed games to each other since ‘999’ it doesn’t have this sense of being new and I did look at that concept in a negative way. I thought if I couldn’t relive that exact feeling I was failing the others or just being boring, not thinking that we’d all become happier with playing games for each other. Ever since ‘999’ I’d been buying games not just as a way to play by myself but to enjoy with the people I care about.
Not thinking “I won’t enjoy this game but the others might”, instead thinking “I might enjoy this game and I want to experience it with my friends.”
My concept of buying games changed and as a way to become more aimed towards others, I will still buy games because I know it’s what I’d enjoy and still experience a lot at my own pace. I never thought that I didn’t just become aware of what I enjoy more over the years but also what my friends enjoy and from that I’ve been able to open my scope of games all the more. I’m still terrible at rhythm games, but because I know how good my partner is at them I can maybe play them with them or just recommend some. Through us all playing games for each other and with each other I’ve become more aware of what types of games they enjoy. From talking to the same people for years I’ve known people in ways I never have before.
It’s also let me know what games some might not be as interested in, such as my partner not finding ‘Wildermyth’ the most engaging game to watch (smh) but that’s all part of the process in understanding those I care about all the more. It’s about finding our boundaries for the medium and in some places pushing ourselves in areas that might be uncomfortable. Never in a way that is forceful however, I’d never force my partner to play ‘Devotion’ in the same way they wouldn’t force me to play something like Spider Simulator 2019. It’s been about us taking our own pace in that regard, but just enjoying what we enjoy with each other.
I don’t know what the next steps are in terms of what I’d play in regards to pushing myself a bit more, because I’m not playing Spider Simulator 2019 even if it isn’t real. Maybe playing a horror game in VR, but that isn’t really the focus anyway. I’ve learned to stop relying so much on a moment that happened 2 years ago in the hopes to recapture it and instead just enjoy the things I like with the people I care about most in my life.
Thanks for reading!
