Recording my life more and the thoughts that have come with it.
This is a picture from what I’d consider one (1) of my favourite games to exist, Umurangi Generation. It’s a photography game that was released in 2020, said picture was taken inside the level called “Gamers Palace” which was included in the Macro DLC released late 2020.
I have taken 673 pictures within Umurangi Generation and that isn’t including the pictures I’ve taken using the Nintendo Switch version. I have multiple pictures that I’m really pleased I got to capture, but I still come back to this picture every time.
When I look at it, it makes me think of why I have such an interest in photography as a form of communication and art. It stills a moment and allows you remember it years beyond when it was originally captured. As I’m writing this sentence right now it is the 21st of March 2023, I took this picture on the 7th of November 2020. The day the Macro DLC released on Steam and I still remember it fondly.
I see a moment of two (2) people dancing together and they’re giving each other a loving look. I wish I could say I remember if I got this shot on purpose, I’m going to guess that it was a complete accident because I’m not good at photography or really understand what an “exposure” is. But intentional or not this picture has created a moment in my head and a lasting love for a game and what it’s meant in my life. Every picture I have saved to my PC is a documentation of my journey in a perfect video game, a memory and moment in time stilled so I can continue to remember it.
Since having last played Umurangi Generation, which Steam tells me was the 9th of November 2020, I’ve had a growing interest in photography and it wasn’t until really the start of this year that I’ve done something about it.
Photography
Early January I went out at night using my mum’s Canon EOS 100D camera.
The whole point was to get an idea of how much I enjoyed the act of photography. Due to my experiences with art and drawing I wanted to know purely for myself if this something I wanted to invest in and think on my reasons for why.
As I’ve mentioned in my Favourites of the Year: 2022 Main Disc I went into how my University course really destroyed my drive for art. I was anxious initially about trying out photography and wanted to know that I was doing it with my best intentions at heart.
So much of what I’ve created in recent years was for the sake of others and I understand that’s how it can be when creating art as a career, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a downside. This was something new and my promise to myself was before anything else, it all had to be for me.
There would’ve been a time I wouldn’t like saying that as I’d perceive it as selfish. So much of our lives is about having us forced to exist for others, not in the way ignorant people on Twitter say about how we do things for likes, the way that we have given so much of ourselves to our careers to even exist. The act of living for yourself feels like a negative and it’s a mindset I’ve been forced to have for too long.
Photography has been a release I’ve needed, I said that it is a form of communication as with every form of art, these photographs are a way of showing to myself that I’m happy with art for the first time for real since probably 2017.
When I look at my recent art I’ve either shared on Twitter or with my friends on Discord I don’t really feel anything anymore, when I look at the pictures above I feel like I’m finally taking the steps in improving my self worth further and my perception of my own art.
Preservation
Preservation has been a big talking point in spaces I follow, with the now less than a week closure of the 3DS and WiiU eshops. The shut down dates of multiple online-only games and just today EA announced they’re removing games like Battlefield: Bad Company 2 from all digital storefronts.
Games have generally always been awful with preservation and the act of piracy is becoming more and more of a requirement to even acknowledge the existence of some games. Because Nintendo sure isn’t going to care if you can no longer buy Crimson Shroud on the 3DS eshop, so why care if piracy upsets them.
Just yesterday I hacked my 2DS XL because it’s currently the only way to preserve the history of that system as Nintendo isn’t willing to do it. It felt good doing it because now I know I can continue to enjoy the system as it has an incredible legacy and to erase it is insane.
As a continuation of those points, I’ve really thought a lot about how much I record of my own life. How much of it exists online and is easily lost and will be lost. So much of myself exists on Twitter and I hate that site, I only use it still because it’s where my friends are and since I’ve curated my account for years it’s finally gotten to the point where it’s somewhat healthy to look at.
As a way to escape that odd feeling of being held hostage to a site I have created a book detailing moments this year. Currently I’ve included games I’ve really liked, updates at the end of month and moments that I’ve gotten to spend with Fin. None of it will ever exist online.
It is my way of choosing who gets to see it and to have some form of my life exist outside of social media. It’s my way of capturing memories of my life so I can see them for my future self and be happy with the choices I’ve made.
End
This has been a way for me to write thoughts down and I can see the irony in posting it online considering what I’ve said. So it’s also a way of saying I won’t be posting here after this I guess. I’m happy with the choices I’ve made to record more of my life in a way that makes me happy. I’ve looked at my book again since starting it and what I see makes me smile. I’m drawing again inside it and the only people who will probably ever get to see it will be me and Fin.
Taking pictures has given me a sense of freedom in my art for the first time in years and being able to store them in a physical way has been great for my mental health. It’s made me think of what makes me happiest in life and now I can focus on that and continue to improve for myself and in turn for other people too.
